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  • Writer's pictureKL Forslund

Less of a Gentleman


Gripping the rigging tightly, Lady Keye motioned with her head for Captain Locke to hurry up. Lock gave the boarding plank a tentative first step. He followed with another step, not looking down at the countryside below. At the midway point, he felt it creak beneath his weight. “How much weight is this plank rated for again?”

“Oh dear. You shouldn’t have eaten desert, we were only pretending to be here for Lord Bunton’s party.”

“They were wafer thin.”

The plank complained in protest before giving out, Lady Keye nearly lost her own grip reaching out to her partner, too late.

If The Buttons Don’t Fit

A fun part of steampunk is dressing the part. For some folks its cosplay, others fashion. The problem is investing in a wardrobe and discovering the buttons no longer reach the holes. We’ve just finished the winter holidays as I write this, so I well know the festivals of feasting. It’s time to regain control of the buttons.

Seek The Advice of a Physician

Here’s the typical disclaimer, the ideas I’ll be presenting should be tame, but your doctor will know if you have a weight issue. I’m not here to make you feel bad about yourself, quite the opposite. The goal here is to take control and retain it so we’ll be healthier and our clothes will fit again.

Portional Consideration

The simple part of weight gain is calories in, calories out. A day of big meals often carries in more calories than get burnt up. Before we get to calorie counting and eating healthy food, we can make gains (or should I say losses) by making a few better choices.

Don’t Fill your Plate

We all know the drill at family gatherings. Scoops of everything and maximize plate capacity. That’s a lot of calories. A proper serving of meat is about the size of a deck of playing cards. Start that small and make sure you can see the pattern of the plate between the food items. Don’t go back for seconds. If you stick with it, you just cut your intake in half or more.

No More Than Two

When I head out to a fast food place, it’d be easy to order a ton of food. My rule of thumb is no more than two items. Two burgers or burger and fries. Don’t overthink it.

Avoid Soda Pop Curse

I love carbonated beverages, but it’s grown on me. For most men, cutting this out will shave off ten pounds in two months. It’s an easy win with other health benefits. Water is your friend.

Combo Meals Aren’t a Deal

Any place that offers a combo-meal, isn’t your friend. It’s easier to stick to water when you’re not tempted to save a buck with that burger. This rule also helps keep you out of fast food places.

Perambulation is Steampunk

What can be more steampunk than replacing a mundane word with a fancier one. Taking a stroll after a meal helps with digestion, mental cognition and exercise. Walking is easier on the knees, which makes it a good start to getting healthy.

Testimonial of Results

For the last four months I’ve adopted these practices I’ve got from 223 to 208 pounds. I weigh myself nearly every day, and see a variance of five pounds over the week. I find it simple to do. The next stage of the experiment is to continue the practice and confirm it holds steady or further reduction occurs. If I can shave another ten pounds, some buttons will return to their fastening ways. There’s more benefits than that, but nobody cares about high blood pressure, kidney stones, joint pain, fatty liver or clogged arteries.

Captain Locke dangled below the dirigible, hanging by the rope he’d grabbed as he fell. Lady Keye watched as her partner hoisted himself back up to the platform. “So, after this mission, perhaps you should refrain from deserts for awhile.”

“I am,” he huffed as he rose to his feet, “inclined to agree madame.” But first, let’s shed this craft of its doomsday device. I believe that’s the Brazos beneath us.”

Lady Locke nodded agreement and the pair resumed their clandestine work.

Follow the link for other articles in my Steampunk Gentleman series:

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