Harvey's Bad Mac-n-Cheese
I have to apologize for last week’s blog. Yes, I know only three people on Earth read it. I wrote it Saturday morning when the storm was over for me, and nothing bad happened at my house. Sure, I could have just edited the darn thing, but while I wasn’t offensive, it might read as callous. I’m sorry for that, and if some future reader gets their undies in a bundle, well that’s on them for not reading further.
Things got worse for a lot of friends of mine. By Saturday night, my friends Dave and Taylor were stuck in their attic with their pets down in Clear Lake. They would have to spend two nights up there before they could wade to safety where a friend had driven to pick them up. They had a means to chop through the attic and wait on the roof like their neighbors did for the same time.
On Sunday, my friend Jenny in Kingwood area had to hold her baby over her head as the water rose to her chin. The Cajun Navy rescued them and had to call in an airlift rescue for the pets.
My fellow writing guild member Bobbie lost her house to flooding. I don’t know how bad it is, but she’s got a crew tearing sheet-rock out.
My buddy Ted’s house was fine. Since he’s a teacher, he got the week off from the school closings. So on Monday he drove up to College Station, bought a Jon boat and spent the next two and a half days rescuing people.
So what did I do in all that time? Nothing as grandiose. I had to work all week and one of my clients had techno-drama that kept me tied up. My wife was still stuck in her foot cast, and nearby stores were flakey so I had to stick around and be handy around the house. It’s not in me to watch people needing help and not do something. So the best I could do is write that blog post on how to prepare for disasters. I’m also active on Nextdoor.com, the neighborhood social media site for helping neighbors. I like to think some of my posts talked a few neighbors from doing something stupid because they thought our neighborhood would flood.
What has all that got to do with Mac-n-cheese?
As part of that “go get supplies two days before” advice, my wife grabbed 2 boxes of Kraft Velveeta Mac-n-Cheese. I wondered why she didn’t grab Annie’s version, which at least has Bernie the Bunny of Approval on it. The idea was sound, you only need to boil the noodles, and the squeezy pack supplies the yummy.
Good plan, but like all fiction, plans go awry. Last night, I made the stuff for dinner, trying not to go out too much to conserve gas. I remember squishing it out of the packet, and remembering that Velveeta isn’t really cheese, despite the label. It’s more like the tailings of petroleum by-product.
I took my first bite, expecting it to taste like Mac-n-cheese. This is the same leap of faith I took in the great Broccoli with Cheese Experiment of ‘99. I hate veggies, green in particular. I took my serving of broccoli and buried it in melted cheese. I scooped that forkful, ready to be overwhelmed by the yummy.
The broccoli was terrible. So was that bowl of Kraft Velveeta Mac-n-Cheese. Even the wife didn’t like hers. It lacked any resemblance to cheese flavor, which was surprising given that these people invented powdered fake cheese that even kids liked.
That, my friends, is how Harvey tried to punish me for not taking it seriously enough. Which come to think of it, I still haven’t.
If you want to help out, try these links, these people do take this stuff seriously:
My friend Taylor is donating her Birthday to saving animals:
Mattress Mack, the Hero of Houston is asking folks to donate or volunteer at: